3 Girlies and A Boy

Christmas Chocolate Crackle Cookies

2009-12-10T16:42:00.001-08:00

Carlos had a dessert contest for his Holiday Luncheon at work. I wanted to make these delectably delicious Red Velvet Chocolate Chip Cupcakes with Peppermint Frosting, but didn't have time. Instead I did Chocolate Crackle Cookies and guess what? We won. There were two winners for cookies and we were one of them. Who would have thought? Anyway, want to share the picture and the recipe. Very yummy and very pretty. Not sure if this picture does them justice, but anyway...won a $15 Gift Certificate to Panda Express. Not bad. I hope you try this recipe, because it's good.

Martha Stewart's Chocolate Crackles

8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped (I've used various combinations of semisweet, bittersweet and dark chocolate chips and all work well)
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 stick (1/4 pound) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/3 cups packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/3 cup milk
1 cup confectioners’ sugar

Melt chocolate (I do this in the microwave, checking and stirring every 30 seconds, but I'm sure Martha does this in a double boiler). Set aside to cool.

In a medium bowl, sift together flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat butter and brown sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes. Add eggs and vanilla, and beat until well combined. Add melted chocolate. Add flour mixture alternately with milk. Mix on low speed until just combined. Shape dough into a flattened disk and wrap with plastic wrap. Chill in the refrigerator until firm, about 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 350. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper; set aside. Using 1 heaping teaspoon of dough apiece, shape 1-inch balls. Roll each in confectioners’ sugar until completely coated. If any cocoa-colored dough is visible, roll dough in confectioners’ sugar again. (Or, if this is making you nuts, use my method, above.) Place the cookies on prepared baking sheets, 2 inches apart. Bake until flat and the sugar coating splits, 12 to 15 minutes, rotating halfway through.

Transfer to a wire rack, and let cook completely. Store in an airtight container up to 1 week.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-17T22:19:00.000-08:00

We have been under a great deal of stress lately and it would be easy to dismiss Valentine's day altogether, but I am one who believes that during tough times, you need special times more than ever. So, Valentine's day was a priority. I have to admit that we sort of celebrated in small ways from Friday, Feb. 13 to Tues., Feb. 17. It was not a constant celebration, just little things that pertained to the theme of the day, "showing your love."

First of all, every year, we do something for our kids for Valentine's Day. Most years it is a card and a stuffed animal, or flowers and candy, some small gift, usually. This year, Carlos and I surprised the kids with a puppy! They have begged for one for years and I always said that I wouldn't have a puppy while I had a baby. Well, Jakey just turned 3, he's potty trained and a dog's life expectancy is anywhere from 10-15 years. So taking all that into consideration, we needed to take the leap if it was going to be taken at all. So, let me introduce to you...Oliver (picture below). He is 3/4 Yorkshire Terrier and 1/4 Chihuahua. They call those types of mixes, Designer Dogs. He looks like a Yorkie. Anyway, he is very cute and the kids are in love with him...I am starting to fall for him, too. I better love the little guy because in reality, I am fully aware that I will be the one who cares for him most. However, it really comes more naturally to everyone but me. I am learning. And for those of you who don't like little yappie lap dogs, I, too, always said that if I had a dog, it would be a labrador, not a small dog. But, the fact of the matter is that I needed a small dog and one that doesn't shed in order to be able to embrace the idea.

On Saturday, Carlos and I were invited to an engagement dinner with some friends. One of our friends proposed during dinner on Valentine's Day and wanted us and a few others to share in this special occasion. At first I was kind of bummed thinking that our Valentine's day was being overtaken by this, but we really had a great time (Congratulations Perry & Gloria). We went to Piatti in Danville and had excellent food, as well as excellent company. Carlos also got me flowers, which was very thoughtful and sweet of him. He had Jakey give them to me. I am glad that he is already teaching our son how to be romantic and thoughtful:)

Then on Sunday we had some good friends over for dessert. Chocolate cake...mmmmmm. There is no better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than by eating chocolate and sharing it with those you love.

Because Valentine's Day was absorbed with friends and not exactly the romantic holiday between Carlos and I that we had kind of hoped for, we had a romantic date and evening last night. It wasn't elaborate or expensive, just hanging out, talking, sharing, and spending time together. I truly love the man I chose to marry. He is an amazing and selfless person. I feel lucky.

After all that, we didn't even exchange our cards until Tuesday (today). There was just never the right moment. I know that sounds funny, but we just didn't get a chance (or remember) until tonight. So....Happy Valentine's Day to everyone (3 days later) because we just barely stopped celebrating it ourselves.

Mother-Daughter Book Group

2009-02-13T09:07:00.002-08:00

Olivia, Libby, Kayla, Gabby, Paige, & Jenny all dressed up in Pish Posh style at Libby's house.

About a year ago we got an invitation in the mail from one of Jenny's friends inviting us to join a Mother-Daughter Book Group. Six other mothers and daughters were invited to join, as well. So, last February, Jenny and I along with the other mothers and daughters started meeting and reading. We meet every 6 weeks or so and discuss a book that we all read. Of course, the group is geared to 11/12-year old reading. So far, we have read some fun and different books. The books we have read are: Sixth Grade Glommers, Norks & Me, Pish Posh, Sand Dollar Summer, Ella Enchanted, Twilight, Shakespeare's Secret, and Matilda. We take turns hostessing the group and of course there is always yummy food and drink to enjoy. At the end of each meeting, the hostess girl presents 4-5 new books and the girls vote for the next book. Our next read is interestingly enough called Mother-Daughter Book Club. Last night we met at our house. It has turned out to be such a fun way to spend time together and given us a chance to share our love of reading. Since Jenny started middle school this year, I don't get to see my mom friends as often, so this is also an opportunity to reconnect. Jenny is fortunate to have a very nice and grounded group of girlfriends whose mothers I adore, as well. At some point, I am hoping to start a group like this with Juliana and her friends, as well. Then Lacey....

Jake is 3!

2009-02-11T14:16:00.000-08:00

After six months of sitting on my blogger butt, I am finally trying to get back into it. I decided I am not going to attempt to "catch up," rather I will try the "go from here" approach.

Jakey's 1-week Bday Party!

Jakey just celebrated his 3rd birthday a few weeks ago and I just can't believe that my baby is 3. No more babies for me, so Jakey will always be my baby. But, I guess I will say that about all four kids...they will always be my babies. So in honor of Jakey turning 3, I will tell you 25 fun facts about Jake.

1. He has brown eyes, light brown hair, and an infectious smile.

2. He is a prince among princesses...our only boy after 3 darling daughters.

3. He knows he's a prince and that his princesses will do just about anything for him.

4. Most of the time he does not act spoiled in spite of #3.

5. He is FULL of energy and life...going nonstop sun-up to sun-down.

6. He is a snuggle bug when he wants to be.

7. His big brown eyes and infectious smile get him out of most sticky situations.

8. He loves anything with wheels (planes, trains, cars, tractors, trucks, etc.)

9. He wants to be a "Police Dog" when he grows up.

10. His hero is for sure, hands down, his Daddy. Daddy can't go anywhere without the Jakey shadow.

11. Everyone else pales in comparison.

12. He wants to marry Mommy when he grows up (that was only after we told him it had to be a girl, not his best friend Alika).

13. He loves his preschool class....Teachers Jeannie and Kathy are pretty, Jakey says.

14. Lacey is his favorite person to act silly with. (Watch out when they're wound up!)

15. Jules is his greatest protector. He's never safer than when Jules is on Jakey watch.

16. Jenny is Jake's biggest fan and most fun and patient big sister.

17. Jake's favorite color is ORANGE.

18. Jake's favorite "I'm Mad" phrase is, "You're a Poophead!" (embarrassing many times)

19. Even when you're the poophead, Jakey forgives quite quickly. Most of his best friends have been the poophead. As have, all the family members:(

20. His Valentine is Grammy.

21. He doesn't forget ANYTHING...sometimes good, sometimes not so good.

22. Jakey thinks he's older than he is most of the time.

23. When Jakey wants to say his prayers, he says, "Mom, let's do my Heavenly Fathers." I don't want him to ever stop saying this...so sweet.

24. Jakey could dribble a soccer ball down the hall on his bum before he could walk. (Can you picture the smile on Daddy's face)

25. Jakey is fiercely adored by his 3 sisters and his mom and dad.

Happy Birthday Buddy (It was January 16th). We love you.

Hilarious Blogger, pictures, etc.

2008-08-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

I recently came across a blog that I think is so funny. You have to read through several posts before you really get the idea of the blog. It is essentially a spoof on the young married Mormon wife blogger with the PERFECT life. If you are LDS you will totally "get" this and probably know plenty of people like this. Actually, if you are of pioneer heritage, you probably have some of this in your very own DNA! Anyway, check it out at http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/.

I have had an interesting week. My back decided to go out at the beginning of the week and as a result of being a bit restricted, I have been reflective. I also have a few other things I have been thinking about and all this reflection has just made me grateful for my family. Carlos and my four kids are such a blessing and I am privileged to be an integral part of their lives. So, on that note, here are a couple more pictures of my cuter than ever kiddos! Summer swimming and Jakey being silly, per usual!

Lion King, Jenny's Birthday, etc.

2008-07-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

Our summer has gone screaming by and I have been extremely negligent with my blogging. I am better at this during the school year. So, here are a few pictures from our end of school year and summer so far. Enjoy and keep coming back even though I am not the most diligent blogger!

Jenny & Julesies in "The Lion King" Production. Jenny was a zebra and Jules a Flamingo.

Jenny with Grammy on Jenny's Birthday.

Jenny got her ears pierced for her 11th birthday. She was SO nervous, but in the end, she said it didn't hurt after all!

Thanks to Pappy (Lisa's dad) Jenny and Mommy got to go to Disneyland together for Jen's birthday. It was so fun to spend some one on one time with Jenny. Here are a few of MANY pictures of the trip. It was a blast.

All WET and sunburned on the Grizzly's Peak ride in California Adventure!

The Toy Story Midway Mania ride with our 3D Glasses. It was so fun!

I'm not sure which one is Goofy?

Jenny and Mom in our Movie Star glasses!!!!

STAY TUNED, THERE'S MORE TO COME SHORTLY......

My Friend Jen Tagged Me!

2008-06-01T22:23:00.001-07:00

7 Facts about ME

1. I have been hit by a car twice in my life (some of you already know that).
2. I was engaged before my mission and it didn't work out (long story, but happy ending, of course)
3. My favorite treats are Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Orange Sticks.
4. I think the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" is HILARIOUS!
5. I am NOT afraid of dying, just leaving behind loved ones! Maybe I'm a bit morbid.
6. I spend too much money when I am stressed out!
7. I hate to wear shorts! So, I NEVER do.

Thanks Jen, for making me get back into the blogging world. I tag Tammy, Melanie, Mom, and Ashley (if they are reading my blog.)

Boy have I been Neglectful

2008-06-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

So, I guess blogging would be the thing to hit the backburner while I am up to my eyeballs in busy-ness! I have to admit that I have volunteered for WAY too many things at the school and I have been a bit stressed out and overwhelmed. So, after chairing the ice cream social, the teacher appreciation luncheon, and the 5th grade memory book, as well as being room mom and helping with A LOT of other things around the elementary school, I am trying to put it in writing that I will scale back next year. I know that my husband will have to see it to believe it, but I am trying to make it happen by putting it in writing and making all of you (who will still read my blog even though I have not posted for 2 months) witnesses to my plan to do less. So, keep your fingers crossed that I can learn to say "NO" some of the time. I really do enjoy helping at the school and being involved, so I need to find a balance, because I already have plenty to do just having four kids in my life, not to mention church callings, family responsibilites, being a wife, etc. etc. So, stay tuned and I'll let you know.

Haircut...Oh my!

2008-04-02T09:29:00.001-07:00

BEFORE PHOTOS (I know it is not too shaggy)
So, we took Jakey to get a haircut on Saturday. I like the clean cut boy look, but it is also quite cute when they get shaggy around the edges when the head of hair is always in "tousled" form shortly after combing. So many people tried to get me to keep growing his hair out, but I prefer it shorter. Maybe someday...

Jake IS NOT, I repeat, IS NOT, a compliant client in the barber's chair. My son who, mind you, is obsessed with sharp things, such as knives, shaving razors, and SCISSORS, is scared to death (and I do mean "to death") of haircuts. I guess my telling him things like "sharp" and "dangerous" when he inevitably finds the "scissors hiding spot" has resonated with him when it comes to those sharp, dangerous cutting scissors coming at his hair. He doesn't seem to pay attention when I am chasing him down to retrieve the scissors that he is not supposed to have!!! It is funny how running away from Mommy with a sharp pair of grownup scissors doesn't scare him in the least, but cutting his hair will send him into a fit of fear...Go figure. He's 2!

So, we go to a place in Lafayette called Cool Tops because they are a kids shop and they specialize in children. This implies, to me, that they can do a decent job on a squirmy toddler. The first time I went there was in January and I was amazed at how well the gal did while Jake dodged right and left and screamed bloody murder the whole time. It really is QUITE the ordeal. You would think we were holding him down and poking him with sharp things...I guess that is the idea he has when the scissors come near his head. It is actually quite comical when I look back, but during the event, I am not laughing...just trying to get through it. So we had a repeat of January, but WORSE, when we took him on Saturday. It all starts when the clippers start buzzing. He is deathly afraid of that and gets all worked up. Then come the scissors, then the edger device. Jakey sits on my lap while I hold him tightly, Carlos braces his head and holds it for the hairdresser and she just does the best she can, all the while all 3 of us (and whichever big sisters come along) are trying to talk some sense and calmness into Jakey (who won't hear any of it). Jakey is crying uncontrollably and attempting to flail and escape from every possible direction (not so possible with ME holding him down) the whole time while hair is flying every which way. He is bright red by the time it is all over and I am sweating. I know it sounds like I am exagerrating, but I promise you, I am not. In fact, you would have to see it to really understand just what a 15 minute ordeal it is. Thank goodness it is only 15 minutes. BUT, it is torment. We left a generous tip and hoped they would allow us to come back next time!
AFTER (IT'S SO MUCH CLEANER AROUND THE EDGES)

So, I gave him his haircut candy bar to hold during the haircut and told him he could have it afterwards. He was so excited. Needless to say, it was melted to oblivion by the time the ordeal was over. Thank goodness, they have lollipops at the shop.

Many of you might wonder why I don't just do it myself. I have tried. He is just as scared because it is not the lady he is scared of, it is the clippers and scissors. So, I can't cut and hold at the same time. It just makes more sense to schedule the haircut for when Carlos can come along and we can gear up for it.

Even though it is torture for all parties involved, Jakey is just SO cute when he has a fresh new 'do'. And no limbs were severed nor flesh wounded by the sharp and dangerous scissors. JAKEY & DADDY ALL READY FOR CHURCH...SO HANDSOME!

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

2008-03-26T15:27:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Paddy's Day

2008-03-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

If you're NOT wearing Green today, consider yourself "pinched". We ARE all decked out in green at our house. I think we will eat something green for dinner to honor the day. (Shannon, if you're reading this, we still have fond memories of your corned beef, cabbage, and irish soda bread. Too bad, Carlos had to Eat it all, since nobody else liked it! I think the rest of us enjoyed the Mint Chip Mud Pie, though! Good times!)

So, dance a jig, eat corned beef and cabbage, and learn some irish brogue! Watch out for those leprechauns, they can be pretty sneaky. Lacey said they really messed up her Kindergarten classroom. Have a fun day!

TGIF

2008-03-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

JUST POPPING IN TO SAY....

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

ironing

2008-03-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

It was bedtime. I had already put Jakey down and had told Jules and Lace (Jen and Carlos were at Jenny's volleyball practice) that it was time to brush teeth and hop into bed. I announced that I would come to tuck them in shortly. 'Shortly' became a little long, as I was finishing a chapter in my book. I expected one or both girls to come ask when I would be there and why I was taking sooooooo long. But, it was silent. This made me curious. Jules and Lace are past the age where silence means they're getting into something (Jakey's not), so I thought maybe they had climbed into bed and had fallen asleep or something, after all, they still hadn't recovered from "springing the clocks forward". So, I got up to see what was up and found Lacey lying in bed, but no Jules. "Where's Jules?" I inquired. "She's ro-ening," she pronounced slowly. Me: "What?" Lacey: "Jules is ro-ening, I can't say it." I didn't understand and Jules appeared just then so I asked her where she had been. Jules: "I was "ironing" my clothes for tomorrow!" I walked into my bedroom where I do all the ironing and there was a very neatly stacked, perfectly pressed outfit for tomorrow. She had gotten out the iron and ironing board and the board was set up to her height. WOW! Jules REALLY is my daughter (as if I ever doubted!). I am an ironer. I do not like, nor have I ever liked, wrinkled clothes. As a teenager I used to get up for early morning seminary, throw my clothes in the dryer and jump in the shower. That was my answer to "pressed" clothes. It worked. When I went off to college at BYU, I didn't have a readily accessible dryer, so I made very good use of my iron and ironing board. This was the beginning of my "ironing." On my mission I used the iron regularly, and as a wife and mother I iron A LOT. Did I mention that I do not like wrinkled clothing? Now, I don't iron all my bedsheets or my underwear, I'm not that fanatical, but I DO iron jeans that are wrinkled. I have been made fun of for that one. I iron baby clothes because I don't like wrinkles on my kids either. I don't mind ironing Carlos' dress shirts (neither does he), if I don't take them to the cleaners. Carlos is NOT a fanatic and only irons dress clothes because, well, he should. This past summer when all the summer activities were being scheduled, I had decided to do sewing lessons with my kids. We started out with a pillowcase. I had invited 2 friends to join us and we went shopping for little sewing kits for each girl and I let them choose their fabric for a pillowcase and a tote bag. I taught them how to look for 100% cotton fabric, etc. One of the steps of sewing is ironing between other steps. You should always press seams open, etc. This was my opportunity to teach these 7 thru 10-year old girls how to iron. Well, I guess the lesson stuck with Jules. It didn't surprise me that she was the one who inherited the "ironing gene" or maybe I should call it a mutation! Poor thing! It's much easier to just not care! But, I have to admit it was a proud moment for me.

I lost my cute background

2008-03-07T01:12:00.000-08:00

For some reason my background dropped out and I didn't even hit save, so who knows... I think I am just retarded. But, when I have time, I will try to cuten up a bit again.

are you a "schlumpadinka"?

2008-03-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine upon arriving at the elementary school to drop off my kids. I noticed how cute she looked this particular morning and told her so. She replied, "I was turning into a 'schlumpadinka' since being off work and I decided I had to change that!" I never thought she looked anything but cute and casual. If she was a schlumpadinka, then what was I?

This particular morning I had showered, applied makeup, and put on yoga pants, a tshirt, and a jacket. My hair was twisted up in a clip, still wet. I felt like I was more than presentable to walk my kids into class. Usually, I go before my shower, still in jammy pants, I throw my shoes in the car in case, heaven forbid, I get a flat tire, or worse, en route, but I drive in my socks, and I drop my kids off in the drop-off zone. I would never leave the car this way and I just hope that no one really looks that closely as I drive in and out trying to remain unnoticed. You know how when little kids don't want to be seen, they close their eyes? Well, this is the tactic I am using when I hide behind my sunglasses!

Now for those of you who don't know what a schlumpadinka is, it is a term authored by Oprah to describe the woman who just lets herself go. She wears sweats and frumpy faded tees or worse as "going out" attire. She doesn't wear makeup and doesn't care about her appearance. It's all about comfort.

Anyway, while talking with my friend about what it meant to be a schlumpadinka, I realized that as much as I would like to dress that comfortable all the time, I am just NOT a schlumpadinka. This is not to say all my clothes are sassy and chic, but I have always referred to myself as "hygienically anal." I don't generally go places (other than the gym) without showering, getting dressed, and applying makeup. This is also not to say that occasionally my attire of choice is not yoga pants or comfy and casual workout clothes, but I don't have enough of the "I don't care what other people think" attitude to go around in my jammies or sweats and just let myself go. I also care about my appearance simply because it's who I am. My mother always cared, too. Maybe this is where I get it from. On the other hand, if I need to run to the grocery store in the early morning or late evening, you may just see me all decked out in schlumpadinka glory.

Just like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" so is "schlumpadinka-ism." I almost always feel like a schlumpadinka when I am hanging out with my working friends in the middle of the day or when I go have lunch with my husband in San Francisco's financial district. My regular uniform is jeans or capris, nice t-shirts or sweaters, and flip flops or other casual shoes. I never wear blazers, heels, dresses, or slacks to my Stay-at-home-mom job.

So, I don't really know if I am a schlumpadinka or not....I guess it depends on who you ask or when you see me. If you are, indeed a schlumpadinka, I applaud you for being unique and not caring what the world says, if that is actually why you do it. As for me, I just can't.

Happy Leap Day!

2008-02-29T09:44:00.000-08:00

For some reason I love Leap Day. It feels like a special day, perhaps cuz it only happens once every 4 years. There is nothing significant about this day, but it's kind of like when we set our clocks back in the Fall and get an extra hour. I like to just get an extra day. So, today is our bonus day! And by 8:30 this morning I could tell it was gonna be a good one...not just good, but FANTASTIC.

Ten Reasons why today will be a good day....

10. The weather is beautiful, not hot and not cold, just nice.

9. Jakey woke up happy.

8. It's Friday and that's almost always a good day.

7. My house was already clean from last night's gathering here (that, of course, can change quickly!)

6. I survived a hectic, busy, and somewhat emotional week.

5. I have four beautiful children and a fabulous husband who are all off doing school and work.

4. The hill behind our house is beautiful and green and scenic.

3. We have a free Friday night. NO PLANS...HOORAY!

2. I lost 3 lbs. this week. (this should be #1, I know)

and the Number 1 reason it's such a great day is.....(drum roll, please)

1. Jenny's month and a half long State Report is done and turned in...HOORAY! Congratulations, Jen-Jen!

She did Utah for her state. The only state they weren't allowed to choose was California, since we live here, so Utah was her 2nd choice and she got it (each state could only be done by one student). They had to do an extensive written report, build a float with wheels (we glued some of Jake's matchbox cars on the bottom), and they have to present their state in an oral presentation. For those of you from or living in Utah, did you know that you guys consume the most JELL-O nationwide...just thought you'd like to know.

Anyway, Happy Happy Leap Day to all of you from 3 pounds less of me! I hope it is a good day for all of you, too.

Jenny Leigh Larsen

2008-02-27T23:46:00.000-08:00

It has been nearly 16 years since my sister, Jenny, passed away at the age of 17. Even though I think about her everyday, I don’t grieve much anymore. As life would have it, time helps to heal tender wounds…life continues on. At first it seems wrong that life keeps going when someone very important is missing, gone from this world, forever. I remember feeling almost angry that people could still love and laugh when all I could do was mourn and miss. It felt like I was in a time warp or that I would wake from a bad dream; when I would awake from a sleep, I’d quickly remember reality and feel deep sorrow again. For awhile, sleep was my only escape from the angst, but then time continued to tick and I, too, was able to love and laugh again. The unceasing sadness soon became more intermittent, even sporadic, until I fell into the rhythm of life again.

Since I was only 19 at the time, I still had my whole life ahead of me. Just because she was gone, my life didn’t stop. I had to carry on. A year and a half later I found myself in a foreign country serving a Mormon mission. As I lived in Portugal with spiritual conviction and purpose, I was very aware of and grateful for this experience of death, as I felt like it somehow helped lead me to where I was and what I was doing. It gave me a greater resolve and a deeper spiritual assurance. I felt like Jenny helped take me to paths I hadn’t considered before. Being far away from everyone who ever knew Jenny felt depressing at first, but then it became cleansing. It was an important step in the process of acceptance. I was able to lose myself in something else, something with deeper purpose.

Every once in awhile, when I’m least expecting it, this overwhelming sense of grief will overcome me and I cry floods of tears. (This happened to me tonight.) When this happens, my gratitude momentarily dissipates as I ponder and imagine where Jenny would be now if she hadn’t died. Would she be married? Would my children have cousins? Would we be neighbors? My sister and best friend died sixteen years ago and with her died part of the future I had always dreamed of.

I had been the older sister and was forging our path, yet she had gone beyond, to a place I believe in and strive to understand, yet can’t fully grasp. She became the experienced one, the one to whom I would aspire to be like. This was a new role for me. Now that she’s been gone almost as long as she had lived on this earth, I am comfortable with the idea that she is older and wiser, more experienced, my example. She's now forging the path. Death challenges people and their faith on so many levels, but for me, Jenny’s death only solidified what I already believed, that God lives, loves us, and has a plan for us. I take comfort in that I know I will embrace Jenny again and it will feel like old times.

My firstborn daughter is Jenny’s namesake, my second daughter, Juliana, resembles her, and Lacey has the same spunk and silliness. I am sure Jenny trained them before they came to me.

Tomorrow Jenny would turn 33 years old. I remember her as a 4-year old, a 9-year-old and a 17-year-old. She’ll never seem 33. I don’t always cry on her birthday, but this year it’s tender for me. Happy Birthday, Jenny. I love you and I miss you. Until we meet again. Your Sister, Lisa.

2008-02-25T20:21:00.000-08:00

boys...

2008-02-25T12:26:00.000-08:00

I am at the point in Jakey's life where I am truly noticing just how different boys are from girls. Now, you have to understand that after THREE girls, this is a dramatic discovery. I have to say, he has been different in the womb and came out a BOY, but at 2 years old he has the boy thing combined with the 2 thing to create the CRAZY thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't see this as a negative, I just wonder if I can keep up.

Girls are different from boys. I am sure most people would say, "DUH!" I would have to agree with that statement. I knew they were different, but experiencing it on the mother end is different than just knowing or noticing this concept. Jake is the reason I will stay young and also the reason I will grow old faster. Make sense out of that! He has been such a love and is full of energy and life. I think he is Carlos, THE KID, reincarnated because I am sure Carlos was full of crazy energy and zest for life, as well (actually, he still is!). It is so fun to watch the two of them interact. They are birds of a feather, except Jakey looks more like my side. I am interested, however, to see what his personality settles to be when he has grown past the normal toddler stage because I know from watching my other kids, as well as other children, in general, that you just can't judge them by how they acted at 2 or 3 years old. Jake wasn't so squirrely as an infant. As a mother, now raising a son, I just hope that I can help him become the man that he should be someday. My own mother and obviously, my mother-in-law, managed to do a superb job raising boys, so I have some stellar examples and some big shoes to fill. I am "sort of" used to the idea of raising a girl, but the boy is still new to me. Carlos and I were never the type of parents who wanted to keep having kids until we got our son (as many accused us of when Jakey was born), but we now both agree that if we had known what we would have been missing out on, we may have just jumped onto that band wagon. I am so grateful for Jakey and everything that comes with him.

Julesies Girl

2008-02-24T18:36:00.000-08:00

This one's for Jules. Juliana is my second child and second daughter. Of all my newborn babies, she was my most content. She rarely fussed, slept well, and came down with a tender and sensitive spirit. When she was just an infant, I used to fear that she was too perfect to remain on this earth for too long. She just seemed to always be at peace. She is now 9 years old. She has always had a delicate frame and a small little voice. In fact, last year her 2nd grade teacher's only complaint about Jules was that she just couldn't ever hear her. Juliana made a goal to talk louder. She has improved, but not much. Another thing about Jules is that she is very ethical and fair. One time I asked her who her favorite uncle was (she has 7) and she proceeded to tell me special things about each one. This leads me to another funny thing about Jules. She cannot make a decision to save her life. We could be standing in the middle of the toy store and tell her she can choose something and she just can't decide. She treats every decision with much consideration and precision, as if it is the last one she will ever make. This is not disabling, but it can be a bit frustrating at times. However, most of the time I appreciate how much care, thought, and concern she puts into things. This extends to all her relationships. She would NEVER want to hurt anyone's feelings. She is a tender-hearted, gentle, and kind girl with a nice little stubborn streak and a very silly side. She is just someone so sweet, who is my favorite little giggle-box.

firstborn babies

2008-02-23T00:38:00.000-08:00

There is something about birth order that is quite interesting to me. I have not made a deep study about it or anything, but I find it interesting how children seem to take their place in a family as if it is innately theirs. I am sure it is part nature, part nurture...but I am always amazed by the differences between my children due, in part, to the order they arrived in our family.

Jenny is our firstborn. Not only is she the firstborn, but she is the firstborn daughter, which is a role in and of itself. Because she was my first, it wasn't apparent right away what kind of responsible/caregiver role she would adopt. That seemed to manifest itself when she became a big sister. Jenny is so responsible. She seems to take the weight of the world on her shoulders and I find that I need to make sure she doesn't burden herself with things that she just doesn't need to bear at this point in her life. I appreciate the way she sees a need and gets it done. If I have had a bad day, she makes it her responsibility to make it brighter by doing household chores, helping with her siblings, and being cheerful, loving, and kind. She can be very intuitive. Being a daughter means she acts like a little mother. Most of the time I appreciate this, however there are the times that I have to remind her who the mom is, as it comes naturally to her to mother her siblings. I am so proud of who she's become and her confidence, compassion, and empathy at such a young age. She started me on the journey of motherhood and because of this, I count her as one of my greatest teachers. I just hope she survives the ride.

motherhood

2008-02-21T22:58:00.000-08:00

I have heard that being a Mother is the greatest calling in life. I have also heard that it is the hardest. I would have to to agree with both of these statements. Have you ever just had one of those days...or weeks is more accurate? You know, the kind where everything that comes out of your mouth, you wish you could take back. Even as I am saying things, I have a flash forward of my four children struggling in life because I said the wrong things at times. I hope they are more resilient than that, but I want to have a greater ability to bite my tongue or not cause them feelings of guilt because of how I am feeling on any given day. My children are amazing, I must say. They are so forgiving of my imperfections and my learning curve. Each one of them has a unique ability to let me be human and mess up without holding me too accountable. They have taught me so much and I thought I was to be the teacher. Here is a list of some of the things I have learned from my children...

Forgiveness
Laughter
Being yourself
Crying, just because
Absolute, Unconditional love
Creativity
Patience
Passion and zest for life
Faith
Imperfection is okay
Loyalty
Trust
Infectious giggles
To love someone so much it hurts
Dreaming and pretending is key to a happy life
Growing up is hard, but necessary
Communication
To say "I'm sorry!" OR "I was wrong, please forgive me."
Hugs and kisses make things better
Innocence

The list could go on and on. The point is....whenever I think I am being the Mom and teaching my children valuable lessons in life, I learn just as much or more from them. When I am less than perfect they cut me some slack and love me anyway. There is no guilt, no mind games, just pure motives and unconditional love. My children make me better. As I watch them grow up, I almost feel sad, yet I know that it is necessary.

Thanks for all you teach me and your patience and tolerance for me as your mother. I love you, Jenny, Julesies, Lacey, and Jakey.

Funny Lacey Story

2008-02-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

I am sure that most of my blogs will be about my children, as they are the brightest spots in my life. I am SOOOO boring compared to them.

So, the other day Lacey (my dramatic 5-year old) came into our room in tears. Carlos and I were folding laundry. I asked her what was wrong and she told me how Jenny was telling her that she would NEVER be old enough for a slumber party. You have to know that Lacey was born into this world thinking she was already 5, so now that she is legitimately 5, she wants to be 10! She was VERY upset at the idea that she would never arrive at "sleepover status." We have told Lacey that when she is about 8 she, too, can have sleepovers with her friends, just like her big sisters. I told Lacey that Jenny was just teasing her and I said, "She's just trying to 'get your goat'." I went on to explain just what "getting your goat" means and told her to kindly tell Jenny to stop teasing her. She seemed to understand and ran off to play. A few minutes later Carlos and I heard Lacey telling Jenny, "Mom says your acting like a goat and to knock it off!" We were cracking up as a confused 10-year old wanted to know why her mom would call her a goat. This whole thing just struck me as very funny, to say the least. As I watch my kids grow up, I realize that these funny childish things are going to fade away and I just want to hold on to every one of them. I guess it's part of the ebb and flow of life!